The Best Christmas Quotes Funny to Get You Into the Holiday Spirit.


Funny Christmas Quotes

Some of the best funny Christmas quotes to bring a smile to your face. These short quotes are great for including in Christmas card message to friends and relatives who enjoy a good joke.

Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.
~ Anonymous

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
~ Phyllis Diller

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.
~ Andy Rooney

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
~ Larry Wilde

Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.
~ Gary Allan

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
~ Victor Borge

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
~ Kin Hubbard

Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
~ Lenore Hershey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
~ Garrison Keillor


I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.
~ Anonymous

Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth!
~ Anonymous

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
~ Dave Barry

Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.
~ Stephen Graham Jones

Family Christmas Quotes

At Christmas, we all hope to share special moments with our family. These short family Christmas quotes express that wish.

Christmas Eve, a perfect night to express affection for your family, to forgive those who failed you, and to forget past mistakes.
~ Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~ Burton Hillis

From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
~ Emily Matthews

Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.
~ Harlan Miller


At Christmas, all roads lead home.
~ Marjorie Holmes

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you’re home.
~ Carol Nelson

Cute Christmas Quotes

Cute Christmas quotes that capture the magic of the Christmas season, and how it is such a special time. They are great Christmas quotes for kids and the young-at-heart.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
~ Will Ferrell, “Elf”

May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas eve.
~ Anonymous

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from the store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!
~ The Grinch, by Dr Seuss

It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who is around it.
~ Anonymous


Christmas Prayer: Guardian angel pure and bright, please lead Santa here tonight.
~ Unknown

Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.
~ Richelle Goodrich

I am dreaming of white Christmas,
with every Christmas card I write,
May your days be Merry and bright,
and May all your Christmases be white.
~ Bing Crosby

Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it - You feel it. You know it. You believe it.
~ Kevin Alan Milne

Christmas isn’t about candy canes or lights all aglow, it’s the hearts that we touch, and the care that we show.
~ Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas

Best Christmas Love quotes

At Christmas time we think about all the people we love. These short Christmas love quotes capture that feeling beautifully. They’re the perfect Christmas quotes for sharing with your loved ones as you wish them a Merry Christmas.

Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.
~ Harlan Miller

Love is what is in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
~ Anon

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
~ Peg Bracken

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
~ Hamilton Write Mabie

Love the giver more than the gift.
~ Brigham Young

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.
~ Dale Evans

Inspirational Christmas Quotes

Here are some of the best inspirational Christmas quotes to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Mostly they’re short enough to work well as Christmas card quotes or merry Christmas wishes. Use them to capture the spirit of Christmas-time in your card messages.

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace, the gladness of Christmas give you hope, the warmth of Christmas grant you love.
~ Anon

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
~ Norman Vincent Peale

When we recall Christmas past we usually find that the simplest things, not the great occasions, give off the greatest glow of happiness.
~ Bob Hope

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
~ Peg Bracken